#HBD: P!mp M@m@ Kr!$

Name: Kr!$t3n M@ry J3nn3r (née H0ught0n; formerly K@rd@$h!@n), a.k.a. "P!mp M@m@ Kr!$ (#PMK)"

Birthdate: 11/5/"1955" (If *you* say so, #PMK... 🙄)

Location: Worldwide, via Calabasas, CA ✈️

Why they feelin' The Sting today:

Joining one of my *many* grandmas/great-aunt Aunt C0ññ!e & her wacky sister-friend Z3ld@ in their old h0e-dom was their mutual friend Kr!$t3n, or “P!mp M@m@ Kr!$” as I call her. 

#PMK was right there with the other two in terms of thinking that tr@ff!çk!ng out her many relatives was the right move to make. 

Us in the family thought of #PMK as the West Coast, YT-presenting version of Aunt C0ññ!e’s h0e a$$ 🙄😒 

Anyways. Every single one of these women thought/*still* thinks they’re sooo beautiful, rich, & influential that the rules of life simply don’t apply to them… 

As much as I’ve desperately wished for the opposite effect of their many (primarily s3xü@!... they some h0es, y'all 🤷🏾‍♀️) “charms” to take hold, in my experience these three are *absolutely* right in feeling that way 😬 

To hear Aunt C0ññ!e tell it (to a mini Me, no less): 

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“That’s the Power of 🐈” 

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#YIKES 😳

It was a hard lesson to learn—unfortunate pun *not* intended 😉 

But, y’know, having worked in my fair share of classy places, including consulting firms & banks, I’m hard-pressed to prove these women wrong in telling me that 😕

Sure, *maybe* the lesson could’ve waited ’til I was a more “appropriate” age or whatever.

But what is the “appropriate” age to be schooled on life & the way the world *actually* works??? 🤔 #RealQuestion

I rolled up to first grade about three years or more younger than the other kids *AND* already having “had” my first child, y’all. 

This coven of old h0es—including #PMK's wild self—would come up to the school, f*çk all the male & bi-curious female staff, cuss out *literal children* if necessary…

…All with the ultimate goal of getting their own mother-effing way 🤦🏾‍♀️ 

I don’t even know how many times child protective services was called on my fam during this time period, yo. 

But these old h0es *REVELED* in having social workers & c0ps come to the scene so they could give the responding officers a piece a dat 🍑, too 😟 ::internal screams:: 

When one of ‘em inevitably got locked up for her shenanigans, the other two would take turns bailing her out, provided they were also “on the outside” at the time of the other’s arrest.

If all three of ‘em got locked up, *I* had to call around for bail money & search for a responsible-enough, un-incarcerated adult relative to come scoop me from the station. 

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...Chile, this what I mean when I say I basically raised myself 😤 

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But looking back, I think these women’s interest in me, specifically, centered around my seeming lack of a reaction to their nonsense & ability to play the role of “straight-girl” to the bull-💩. 

Even though I recognize that lack of reaction as a trauma response *today,* these old h0es felt validated, I guess, by my non-reaction back then. 

Like, “If !i$@ bee™’s not freaked out by XYZ, what’s really the problem???”

...Well, h0es. 

!i$@ bee™ would *never* externally freak out from your BS, because all this 💩 happened to !i$@ so young that she’s processed the 💩 as her baseline of reality.

In other words: I’M USED TO IT y’all, even though one never truly gets used to complete & utter chaos 25 hours a day, eight days a week, 366 days of the year 🤯😵‍💫😱 

Is it an intense a$$ lifestyle I’ve been forced to lead? 

...H3ll to the yes, followers. 

Do I consider myself a veteran of The Game, nonetheless? 

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#Absolutely 😎🥂 

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