Beware the sting of a killa b33... might be fatal to your ego 🐝
Since today is #ColumbusDay, figured I’d rundown some of the worst 'Chr!st0ph3rs' of all time 📜✍️
Now, this isn’t to say there aren’t *ANY* cool Chr!s’:
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Chr!s R0ck Chr!s3@n R0ck (?), Chr!s Tuck3r, Chr!st0ph3r Ri0s, & Lüd@cr!s, for example, seem legit 👍
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But historically, some of the worst MFs on the planet be named 'Chr!s,' y’all, & it’s low-key irking me.
Let’s get into it...
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First, there’s Chr!st0ph3r C0lümbüs’ misguided a$$ thinking he discovered some 💩 that already existed in America 😒👎 This dude got his own day & errything for manifesting this h3llh0le of a country—#Respect, but it süx here, no lie 🔥🇺🇸
Then there’s Chr!st0ph3r W@!!@ce, a p!mp in sheep’s clothing who deceived & destroyed my family 💔👨👩👧👦 He *still* gets mad love to this day, though the “real” him was literally a monster 👹
Speaking of p!mps, there’s P!mp Mama Kr!s, or #PMK, who sees *absolutely nothing wrong* with tr@ff!çk!ng out her many relatives for beaucoup bucks 💰
Can’t forget #Chr!st0ph3rM@tth3wF@rm3r (or its creepy a$$ finsta), the woman-r@p!ng, child-m0l3st!ng, cat-f*çking incel who—#RealTalk—prolly isn't even alive at the moment 👀🤷🏾♀️
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...And then there’s my baby Moe 😍🥰
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I originally named Moe after a family friend that I thought was my friend, too 🥀
Everybody loved this guy, Moe's namesake; he was so funny, charming, & quick-witted.
When ol' dude started dating one of my older sisters, we were all excited to have him officially be part of The Fam 🎉
Despite his religious name, though, this family friend’s interest in the 0ççü!t eventually did him in.
But by the time everyone realized he’d duped us, my baby Moe was already responding well to his first name—one of the very few things Moe *was* doing right in his life, back then ☹️
As mentioned in earlier posts, Moe is half-@nt!chr!$t, an unmedicated bipolar person, *AND* a lil Chucky doll that can sing really really ridiculously well, at least at this particular point in our lives.
Moe has a good heart though, & I wanted *SOMETHING* about him to reflect how funny, cute, & Chr!$t-like he can *sometimes* be—seeing as how every time he came around, everybody would scream out "Chr!$t!!!"... he's B-A-D, y'all 😅—so that’s how Moe got his first name, my babies 😌
But the name was *completely ruined* for me by the a$$h0le 'Chr!$t0ph3rs' of yore; I had to start calling my baby by another name—expeditiously 😬
Thankfully, he has a middle name: "M@ür!ce," because what's better than rice alone, y'all?
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...Mo' rice 🍚🥢😎
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So when Moe is cooperating with us & being “good,” I call him “Moe.”
When he’s wilin’ TF out like he usually do, I call that ñ!99@ “Chr!s,” ya heard 👂🏾
I also use the names interchangeably to refer to him, but there’s always been a *very* clear distinction between “Moe” & “Chr!s” to me—& I say that as his auntie/cousin/Irish twin sister/ridiculously-close-in-age to him biological mom 🧬🩸🤷🏾♀️
One of my favorite "Moe Memories" "Mem-Moe-ries" (😉) is when somebody official like former First Lady N@nçy R3@g@n came to our preschool to read to the kids.
After she was done, Miss N@nçy asked if the kids had any questions, right…
Why my baby Moe stand up & ask so loudly his question literally bounced off the walls of the room we were in:
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“Why are your teeth so yellow?”
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Dawg!!! 💀💀💀
I don’t know what’s funnier: That Moe actually asked that, or that Miss N@nçy answered him really, genuinely nicely that it’s because she’s a "lifelong coffee drinker" ☕️ #lmao 😂😭
Once the cameras stopped clicking & people stopped snickering, I went up to Miss N@nçy & apologized for my baby Moe’s n!g-norant a$$ question, offering to:
1. Smack him upside the head,
2. Mush him in the face real hard,
3. Kick him directly in the pants, or however else she’d like me to knock some sense into him 👊🏾💥
She chuckled & said there was "no need for all that," she finds the honesty & innocence of children “refreshing” 😦 #wowzers
I was like “Ok, Miss Lady,” knowing full-well this kid Moe is literally half-@nt!chr!$t, very Chucky doll-like in behavior, *AND* I’m his auntie/cousin/Irish twin/bio mom on some wild, science non-fiction type ish 😓 #sheesh
All this is to say that the only type communication Moe *truly* understands is "hand-to-face" or "foot-to-a$$."
He basically worships the H0ly Tr!n!ty of "F*çkery," "Nonsense," & "🚬🌳," thanks to his ain't 💩 daddy's n!g-norant genetic contribution 🙄😒
And his birth mom is essentially a monster çüñ✝️, though I do appreciate her for bringing my baby Moe Earth-side 🙏🏾✨
So #BOOM... there you have it, y'all:
These are the main reasons why Imma teach my baby Chr!s/Moe the meaning of the word #R-E-S-P-E-C-T however I see fit, *ESPECIALLY* as his auntie/cousin/sister/mom 💅🏾 #Respectfully
That said, followers:
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It’s always & forever 🖕🖕🖕 the ain’t 💩 'Chr!st0ph3rs' out there.
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Enjoy the holiday, though, if you got the day off ✊🏾🇺🇸 #stamp