#HBD: C. K@ñkü P@gê

Name: Cl@üd!ñe K@ñkü P@gê

Birthdate: Deceased 💀

Location: H3ll, via the D(M)V Area 🔥

Why they feelin' The Sting today:

Today we flaming up Cl@üd!ñe K@ñkü P@gê, a beautiful but insane mulatto h0e originally from the DMV Area. 

Not so long ago, Cl@üd!ñe posted an upskirt shot of ya girl to her public-facing social media account when she felt “outshined” on her wack a$$ b-day 😒

IDK what kinda f*çked up sh!t happened in Ms. P@gê’s childhood, but it resulted in her completely denying her Black side.

…To the point of not inviting her Black a$$ mama to her wedding to some filthy-looking YT dude 🥶

Cl@üdi’s another one who looked d3m0n!c in her wedding pics; zoom in & both her & hubby’s eyes look like glassy black slits 🎭 

Cl@üdi also either looks “over it,” drunk, high, or all three standing next to her mom’s bro, who appears to have taken the mom’s place in Cl@üd!ñe’s nuptials 😳 #interesting

There’s no pics of Cl@üdi’s mom anywhere on her socials--in fact, the b!tch rarely mentioned her mother at all 🤔 #strange

Cl@üd!ñe had a weird relationship with her rich YT dad where she’s cool with him basically calling her a pig as a term of endearment; her presumably YT family also took turns abü$ing Cl@üdi’s C@bb@ge P@tch D0lls at the dinner table as a kid 😨 #yikes 

Cl@üd!ñe’s mama was her only *real* connection to the motherland, yet they obviously weren't close. Cl@üdi appears to have been raised mostly by her dysfunctional YT side of the fam 😬 #SuperTragic

That didn’t stop Cl@üd!ñe from trying to exploit & socially profit off of her Blackness, though 🙄 #PleaseBelieveThat 

This h0e Cl@üd!ñe exclusively dated dark-skinned Black dudes for a while--I guess to validate her Black side??? IDK WTF these h0es be thinking, y’all--though Cl@üd!ñe herself identified as a 💄 l3zzie 🌈 #oop

Additionally, Cl@üd!ñe exclusively dated men with unisex names--like "C0r3y," "C0ürtñ3y," "Chr!s," etc.--I’m guessing to “subtly” (😒) communicate she goes both ways??? 

...These h0es got all the sense of a bag of t3$tic!es, followers 🥜🚫🤦🏾‍♀️

Also, peep this: Cl@üd!ñe built her entire female friends circle around her being the “prettiest” among them, even though she had the worst attitude & lowest self-esteem. 

...Insecure much???

One day, this h0e Cl@üd!ñe made the unfortunate mistake of appointing herself “Queen of DC” at some random social gathering 🤨❌ 

Ya girl wondered aloud what made Cl@üd!ñe think that... 

Apparently, she’d been gassed TF up off the attention of an aggressive dÿk3 at the function named J3ss!ç@ Rüçk3r.

J3ss!ç@ refuses to take “No” for a legit answer; it’s like once she hears that from a straight (or straight-presenting, in Cl@üd!ñe’s case) female it makes her THAT much more determined to “convert” a b!tch. 

...Y’all know the type 😤

Even for a n@rç!ss!st!ç 💄 l3zzie like Cl@üd!ñe, J3ss!ç@’s attention was too damn much. Cl@üd!ñe’s h0e a$$ enlisted me (of all people 🙄) to “let J3ss!ç@ down easy” for her.

...Uh, you can’t handle your own business, h0e⁉️ 

Again: This is only a guess but I think Cl@üd!ñe was tryna turn J3ss!ç@’s obsession with *HER* into an obsession with *ME* 👿

Unbeknownst to Cl@üdi, J3ss!ç@ & I went waaaay back, having briefly attended daycare together. This social gathering was the first time I’d seen J3ss!ç@ in a smoove decade or more, though ⏳

I didn’t like J3ss!ç@ back then; the sentiment still stands today 🤷🏾‍♀️ #ItIsWhatItIs

The feeling was mutual from my understanding. Though J3ss!ç@ went to G-town just like Cl@üd!ñe, she literally scrunched her fugly a$$ face up when I told her I was a Br0wñ grad interning at Y@lê that summer 😏 #haterade

Matter fact, I’m serving up a 2-for-1 flaming today, y’all. This h0e J3ss!ç@ Rüçk3r bout to get it right quick, too 🔥 

How you go from being an (*ALLEGED*) adjunct professor at G-town--where you somehow earned a Sociology degree 🚩--to working as a (former?) high school teacher at some no-name charter school in DC, to now being a fledgling PhD student, J3ss!ç@ Rüçk3r??? 

...The math ain’t mathin’, h0e 👎🏾👎🏾

J3ss!ç@’s yet another creepy, offensive so-called educator that I wonder “WTF is this person teaching the kids,” how to be an aggressive s3xü@! pr3d@t0r??? 

Like… I’m #GenuinelyPerplexed 🧐

Anyways, back to Cl@üd!ñe’s h0e a$$ thinking she had what it takes to be “Queen of DC” 🤢👑🚫 #B!tchPlease

A queen of the city takes pride in who she is & where she comes from; Cl@üd!ñe was the very definition of inauthentic. 

I mean, Cl@üdi's natural hair texture was kinky, right… yet all the hair sold on her website & that she wore herself was bone straight or wavy #hmmm 

That’s just one of MANY examples of Cl@üd!ñe frontin’ on everybody--self-hatred is a mf, y’all. 

But Cl@üdi was still tryna "make it" as a cosmetologist or sum’n, somewhere, despite (allegedly) getting a degree from G-town #GoHoyas

You hustling backwards, baby: 

Having a fancy degree is not needed in *any way whatsoever* to do hair, makeup, or whatever TF else your s0çi0p@thiç a$$ was tryna do with your life, Cl@üd!ñe 💇🏾‍♀️💅🏾 

Which leads me to my next question: 

What’s really good, Ms. K@ñkü P@gê??? Inquiring minds want--*NEED*--to know. You was outchea wilin’ TF out, sis. It’s not a good look at all 🥀 

Anyways. Nothing more to see here, folks. Just another tragic--now "💀"--mulatto b!tch & her aggressive dÿk3 ego supply, f*çking sh!t up 🖕🖕🖕🖕 

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#StayOuttaMyCityH0es 👸🏾🐝