Just Another Sunday

Mother's Day is bittersweet for me, followers, & Imma tell you exactly why.

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***#TriggerWarning: Child @bü$3***

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My surrogate mom (a.k.a. 'Mommy Dearest') is a literal D3bb!e Downer (DD) & a known s3x offender, s3ri@l k!ll3r, & child s3x tr@ff!çk3r who's been @bü$ing & @$$@ü!ting me in various ways my entire life. 

DD angrily insists that my birth year is three years earlier than it actually is, which is doubly disturbing seeing as how DD *did* have a girl child born on my same birth date three years prior to my *actual* birth year, but the baby d!3d under mysterious circumstances at about 18 months old 🥀

Personally, I think DD purposefully left the baby alone with a young, f@t@!!y vi0l3ñt relative of ours, likely because DD was jealous of the baby. 

Though she set her first baby up to be mürd3r3d, DD consented to carry a *second* child--me--with the exact same genetic makeup as the first baby she lost. 

I've lived my entire life to this point being the target of DD's vi0!3ñt @tt@çks on my person & character, culminating in a 2020 incident where she thr3@t3ñed to k!ll me for seeking outside help for our family.

DD & her maternal aunt--our infamous relative everyone calls 'Aunt C0ññ!e'--began @bü$ing me as a toddler, taking explicit pictures of me in the bath. 

Years later as I was moving items out of my bedroom-slash-childhood dungeon in DD's DMV-Area home to a newly rented abode, DD set up triggering "surprises" for me to discover, even going as far as replacing my pillows with multiple packages of her adult underwear. 

...This was all happening *before* I was able to safely remove the last of my items from her household. 

When I was a young child, DD would püñçh me repeatedly in the back (so the bruises could be easily hidden by a turtleneck) to the point that, in present day, there's still bl00d detected in my urine whenever I leave a sample. 

She once left me alone--trapped in my crib wearing only a diaper & t-shirt--for almost a full week; once help finally arrived, I was suffering from acute renal failure & literally knocking on d3@th's door. 

It's around this time that I just stopped crying, period, because I knew no one was coming to my rescue.

DD would also abandon me in random, upscale department stores to the point I was sometimes locked in the store overnight as a toddler/child. 

These @bü$3s & other incidents led to me being placed in DC's foster care system because of how often I'd be left alone, unsupervised.

Flashing forward to adulthood, I was @$$@ü!ted at a once-popular & now-shuttered DC venue in early 2016 for which a trial was held later that year. 

As a result of this trial, *I* was charged with a misdemeanor offense of "making thr3@ts against an individual," while the perpetrator himself--a known s3r!@l r@p!st & p3d0 from a large, locally prominent Black political family--walked free. 

Around the time of the trial, DD, her now-deceased functionally r3t@rded husband S0ññy & I had a family meeting organized by DD to discuss my "disrespectful" behavior & irritable mood. 

Leading up to this meeting, DD shoved me into my bedroom & began antagonizing me from the doorway for allegedly disrespecting her by not doing the dishes, taking out the trash, or cleaning the restrooms of her home to her exact specifications. 

DD thinks any- & everything I do as her child is somehow related to or reflective of her as a person; she has *never in my lifetime* respected my personal boundaries. 

...Historically, DD goes *above & beyond* in dishonoring my specific personal boundaries. 

The late 2016 family meeting that was held resulted in a p0l!çe officer being called to the scene. I feared for my personal safety as DD & S0ññy were verbally g@ñg!ng up on me, basically accusing me of insubordination. 

I suffered a panic attack when DD blocked my exit from the home, refusing to let me leave before she & S0ññy had finished "addressing" me & my behavior. 

The protective order issued against them regarding this incident was rescinded in late 2017; in early 2018, I begrudgingly moved back to DD's DMV-Area home to save money.

Almost as soon as I'd moved the last of my items back into her household, DD was looping me into private, one-on-one conversations with the ultimate aim of having me apologize to *her* for my reaction(s) in the aftermath of a brutal s3xü@! @$$@ü!t & subsequently draining @$$@ü!t trial. 

DD also made a point of ensuring the household TVs were regularly set to show the evening news (which she was informed early on triggers my C-PTSD/PTSD symptoms), the ID channel, or "Law & Order: SVU" on a continuous loop. 

For Christmas that year, she even had the audacity to gift me a book titled "He's Just Not That Into You," along with one of those birth year calendars with "1985" emblazoned across the front in garishly large numbers.

DD also liked to surprise me by randomly asking invasive questions about my @$$@ü!t (i.e., Asking for greater & greater detail in satisfying her curiosity around "what r@p3 is like" 😒). 

She'd already been calling me a "wh0re" to my face since I was a toddler (namely for having my own kid at that age), but upped the ante by casually, hypothetically mentioning that if I were one of "The G0ld3n Girls," I'd be Bl@ñçhe.

Bl@ñçhe is a great character, no doubt; but when I asked DD why I'd be Bl@ñçhe as opposed to the (also great) character R0$e, she replied 

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"Well, you're not stupid, right?"

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If all this wasn't bad enough, more than once DD would say aloud how she wished she'd taken whatever money she put towards my education--all of *zero* dollars, but still--& used it to ab0rt me 😵‍💫

The stress of living with DD exacerbated my already-debilitating gastrointestinal symptoms; as I'd be vomiting with such force that bl00d came up & I'd have to be hospitalized for days on end, DD would be standing right outside the bathroom door or at the bottom of the staircase--no matter the time of day or night--pretending to be concerned about my symptoms, when she & her behavior were *the very cause* of my agony.

In addition to setting up her first child to be mürd3r3d, DD is also suspected of ki!!ing her husband S0ññy in his sleep just a few years ago, as well as at least two of my pet cats growing up. 

Shortly after moving out of DD's literal house of horrors *again,* I began receiving phone calls from DD's healthcare providers, despite my repeatedly informing them that I was no longer involved with her care. These calls averaged about once or twice a month for the first six months or so of moving to my new location. 

I'd also periodically receive calls from an unknown number asking for DD by name when I picked up; I'd simply tell the person(s) they had the wrong number & hang up. 

Then I started receiving mail from various non-profit organizations thanking me for donations made in my name in small dollar amounts of $5, $10, or $15. The organizations in question I'd never heard of, with names like "Heifer, International" & what appeared to be a conservative-leaning p0l!çe officers' union, neither of which I've ever had any interest in supporting.

DD's yet another one that I truly wonder how she made it to her big, prehistoric AF age acting the ghastly way she does. 

If the following statement doesn't apply to you, #LetItFly... 

But for some of these "women" female sub-human beings, IDGAF what came out of your rancid a$$ kewchie, dawg: 

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You ain't no "real" mother.

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Happiest Mother's Day to all the *actual* Real Ones, though ✊🏾🌸

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[Psalms 78:39]