Beware the sting of a killa b33... might be fatal to your ego 🐝
Name: Er!c O(-rg@$m 🤭). H0!!@nd
Birthdate: 12/1/1966
Location: Somewhere in the DMV... and/or in the vicinity of a Bad Bish near you 😉
Why they feelin' The Sting today:
If everyone around you suddenly starts questioning their paternity, you might just be in the presence of a p!mp—specifically, a p!mp named Er!c/"E."/E-Money/etc., otherwise known as Biological Dad #10 🩸🧬
Er!c is a hustler most known for p!mp!n', though he’s *definitely* not above taking jobs like being a hospital orderly, school janitor, sandwich-maker (or "Professional M3@t Slinger" in Er!c's words 🙄), handyman (or as Er!c says, "W00d Worker" 🤦🏾♀️ #smh) or whatever else to pay the bills.
Once again: Er!c got a literal sh!t ton of kids to support thanks to his mom Aunt C0nn!e & Deranged Male Ancestor exploiting E.’s DNA starting around the age of eight-years-old.
As we in the family see it, Er!c’s genes are “neutral” in that all his kids look like their birth moms 😳
Surprisingly, E. blends in well with the general population (or “normies” as me & my Irish twins call y’all 😆) for all the next-level drama he finds himself in.
Dad is light-skinneded, has green eyes, & is typically decked out in gear that’d have Er!c looking right at home at somebody’s barbecue or family shindig.
Er!c *STAYS* cookout-ready; he definitely don’t play about his genetics *OR* his food, ok???
Anyways. As previously stated, E. got *A LOT* of kids, y’all 👀
Chances are if you’re related to me or my family, were born within a certain timeframe, and yo' mama was or currently still is a beautiful Bad B!tch…
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...That my dad Er!c is yo' daddy, too 🥴
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When I tell y’all about all the epic court battles Dad’s fought over the years—in addition to processing the *immense* genetic violation Aunt C0nn!e & Deranged Male Ancestor subjected him to—y’all GOTSTA believe me 🧬⚖️
As much as he can, though, Er!c does provide for those kids of his he füx with most heavily—unfortunate pun *not* intended 👍
Don’t let your current or former Bad B!tch of a mama get on E.’s *LAST* nerve, though, y’all…
Then it’s a wrap for you *AND* yo’ irritating a$$ matriarch 😤
Er!c been cool with me though, despite my having a *very* problematic surrogate.
In fact, when I was racking up various academic awards as a youngster with seemingly zero parental support or encouragement, Er!c would often show up with his sons/my three (possibly four?) cousin-brother-uncle-dads (😬) in tow, just to show love 💕
Er!c will even force appearances at normally tense family functions that neither him NOR his child(ren) *really* wanna be at, under the guise of “getting a to-go plate” & with the ultimate aim of “keeping The Fam together” 🥲✊🏾
E. probably knows better than any of my other family members that all we really have, at the end of the day, is each other.
Yes, his main hustle is #QuestionableAF for a dad of who-knows-how-many girl & h0e a$$ boy children…
But an irrefutable fact about Dad is that he’s gonna step TF 🆙 for his kids 👨👩👧👦
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...Only the most “down” kids, though.
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...Plus their equally-as-chill moms 🤞
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...And *EXCLUSIVELY* after those M@ury test results come through for a playa.
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But hey, that’s E. for ya 😎💜
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Dad,
#HBDwh0re 🥳