Reb3çç@ TDAWB

Name: R0b3rt F. "B0bbÿ" K3ññ3dÿ III

Birthdate: 9/2/1984

Location: Wherever it currently is, it needs to go straight to 🔥 #That'sReal 

Why they feelin' The Sting today:

In the midst of minding my own MF-ing business, I almost forgot to flame up the infamous fetal alcohol syndrome-faced super d0üçh3b@g B0bbÿ K3ññ3dÿ III, forever immortalized in the following excerpted post from my original (& now-defunct) blog yaylisabee:

"In the wake of Sen. T3d K3ññ3dÿ's death, I've decided to share an all-too-brief encounter I had with a member of the prominent family.

Fall of my sophomore year, A Tribe Called Quest reunited for the Rock the Bells Tour. I *LOVED* ATCQ at this point in my life (still do, for real for real), so I desperately wanted to be at that concert. 

Unfortunately, the closest the tour was coming to my school was this little town about an hour/hour & a half away from campus. *NO RIDE* to get out there &, of course, the bus & train didn't stop there from Providence, RI. 

I bought my ticket anyway & put a notice up on my school's online campus bulletin board looking for a ride.

In class a few hours later, I heard that some guy named Wendell* was going to the concert & driving himself & some friends there from my school. 

Sweet. 

"Wendell," of course, turns out to be Wen-DELL, RFK's grandson & JFK's nephew (I think that's right... eh, it's big family). 

We didn't run in the same circle of friends at school, so I knew very little about Wendell... other than his d0üçh3-tastic F@c3b00k picture at the time, which featured him--shirtless--with "THUG LIFE" written across his stomach Tüp@ç-style. 

...Not the best first impression 😒

Anyways, I figured I wasn't in this to make a new friend, or even like the guy on a basic level; I just needed a ride to that concert.

Game day comes around & about five of us pile into Wendell's weathered Bimmer headed for the Tribe concert. From the time we left the city of Providence to the time we partied with people Wendell knew in the town where the concert was playing to the time we actually *MADE IT* to the concert doors is mostly a blur, but I *do* remember the concert itself being pretty awesome. 

It's *AFTER* the concert that things started going downhill.

So Wendell & maybe three people in the car decide they want to meet up with some more people they knew in the town where the concert was being held. It was about 1 a.m. at this point, & me & this hippie girl we rode up there with were wondering when the eff we were all gonna leave, as some of us had class & ish in the morning.

Wendell & his three friends decide they're "too wasted" to get back to Providence that night & say they're all "gonna crash" at their other friend's place.

"SO HOW *TF* ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GET BACK TO SCHOOL?!" me & this other chick wondered out loud.

 Wendell basically says that's *our* problem & goes off to rejoin the party.

"THAT'S WHY YOUR DAD'S A DRUNK!" I screamed. 

I think it fell on deaf ears (most *definitely* drunk ears), but I thought it was a clever & appropriate response at the time.

Me & the hippie chick looked at each other blankly for a few seconds before realizing we needed to think quick to get out of this h!çktown (OK, not really; more like a small city... but no buses or trains stopped there! That equals 'h!çktown' to me 🤷🏾‍♀️) & back to civilization.

There just so happened to be some random guy from the concert who followed a group of us to Wendell's *OTHER* friend's house, the one where he stranded us, who kept staring alluringly/creepily at the hippie chick I was with. 

We thought maybe he went to school with us, or somewhere in the vicinity of the concert, but after chatting him up for a few minutes, turns out he was just some kid who lived in his grandma's basement. 

Chatting him up a few more minutes, we found out he has a car (!), that his grandma's basement is in Providence, RI (!!), & that he was trying to go home *THAT NIGHT* (!!!).

Then, & I kid you not folks, right after finding that out, the hippie chick I was with & this dude go to a nearby parking lot where "supposedly" his car is located (REMEMBER: We're stranded at this point, this guy could very well be a s3ri@l ki!!er, yo... I know I wasn't going *anywhere* with him alone!!!). 

I asked the chick if she wanted me to come with her; I *know* I would want witnesses if a trial were to go down over this mess. 

She said "Nope, just chill here for a second," & her & the guy walked off into the moonlight.

Fifteen minutes of standing awkwardly outside the party later, Hippie Girl & Possible S3ri@l Ki!!er Guy drive up in his old white N!$$@n 😮‍💨 #whew 

To this day, I don't know *WHAT* That B*tch (✊🏾) did** to get both of us a ride back to Providence, RI that night, but whatever it was, it worked & we're still alive 😅👍

Anyways, moral of the story is: 

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Sorry your great-uncle or whatever died, but damn you Wendell K3ññ3dÿ!!!

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*Names have been changed to protect the d0üçh3-y.

**Sike, y'all. I know what she did 😏 #lmao"

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After this complete disaster of an after-party experience that, strangely, turned into a sisterly bonding moment with an as-yet-unnamed Down A$$ B!tch of a random YT hippie chick, I asked ol' girl:

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"Whatever shall I call you, sweet angel?" 🥺

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And just like the Down A$$ B!tch-slash-Get M0n3y H0ney I'd come to know her as that night, ol' girl remained mysterious AF, saying I can call her: 

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"Whatever you want... just don't call me broke." 😍

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I said: 

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"OK, you mysterious b!tch. You know Imma just refer to you as the 'Down A$$ YT B!tch I met in the woods of Massachusetts who *LITERALLY* süçk3d us back to Providence/salvation,' right?"

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Ol' girl said I absolutely *HAD* to refer to her that way in any & all future re-tellings of this tragic a$$ after-party story--*THAT'S* how I knew she was a Real One 😇✊🏾

So, wherever you are out there, you random, s3xy, bohemian MF-er, know a fellow Real One is outchea holding it down for you...

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For *US* 😄🎉

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And it's forever & *ALWAYS* 🖕B0bbÿ K3ññ3dÿ III.

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...The rest of his family's cool, though 👍

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#HBDwh0re 🥳 

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